It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
