Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
