you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
As shirtless as possible
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
