saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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