That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
