There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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