I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
