I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
