How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
