I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
