I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
