the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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