we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
