I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
