Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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