Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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