All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
