We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
