I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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