ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
