sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize