on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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