so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
