u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
