can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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