I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
