i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
