One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
dude. I can hear the air.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
