I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
