i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
