it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
