im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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