she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
