Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
