Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
