I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize