That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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