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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
In America we eat man semen.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize