i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
