My liver just broke up with me...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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