Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
