i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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