You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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