He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
