and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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