Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize