Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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