If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
