I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
