I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
