I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
