oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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