No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
