He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
