You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
