After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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