Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
