all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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