I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
