There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
