Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
