i barfeds in our rink
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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