You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we're making bets on your personal life
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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