Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize