Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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