Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
