hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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