big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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