Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize