i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
