Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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