I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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