I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
