someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
