I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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