It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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